Solutions For Today's Parents and Teachers
Catherine W. Mallam, M.S.Ed.
Teasing, Bullying, Conflict: What's the Difference?
The third grader was pensive as he described interactions with a classmate. “My mom is really upset because she thinks I am being bullied,” he told me, “but I think I’m being teased.” Turns out, he was right!
The words teasing, bullying, and conflict are often used interchangeably, but they describe three different types of interactions. Understanding the specific behaviors that define each can help parents coach kids about the best ways to respond.
So, what’s the difference?
Helping Your Child Have Healthy Friendships
The bookbag barely hits the floor of the car or the kitchen table before your child recounts how a friend has once again been hurtful. The friend routinely breaks promises, is bossy, makes critical comments about your child, and uses the silent treatment. When your child speaks up, things improve for a day or two before the cycle repeats. Despite this, your child seems resigned to stay in the friendship because, they explain to you, their friend is “a frenemy.”
Parents often wonder what to do when their child is in an unhealthy friendship. We may be tempted to forbid the friendship, but this usually backfires. Often, two friends are part of a larger friend group, so your child could wind up alone. Or your child will announce that they are “not allowed” to be friends with someone, which can lead to conflict among other children who may feel compelled to take sides. Friendships are one of the only choices children can make for themselves, and along the way, it’s important for kids to learn what is - and is not - a healthy friendship.
How can we help our children have healthy friendships?